Evidently Biscuits are not Super Bowl fare. Here we are at due date number two and the lil'man is still bobbing about, unconcerned with the tedious bustle of life outside his cozy little utero-studio, happily sucking down that honey and peanut butter english muffin his would-be father made us. I understand the impulse to laze about in a pressure-free, zero-responsibility environment, I really do. Heck! I've stayed past past check-out time at every hotel I've ever been to, but never more than a coupla hours, GEEZ.
This was supposed to be a limited time engagement, a vacation rental, a sublet, a finite process, a specific project with a defined end-goal!! Is it possible he could not have received the memo?
At his point I'm thinking I'll have to sew the legs holes shut on all those "newborn" sized onesies we got and use them as school bags and lunch totes when he emerges--shortly before first grade. I'd really rather not have to deliver our sweet moosechild a pitocin soaked eviction notice, but the years of ballet training aside, I'm not gumby...
To make matters worse, I've completely misplaced my feet. I've searched high and low and they're nowhere to be found. Everyone said "Baby Brain" makes you absentminded and dopey, but this is nuts--there size 11!! Actually, I believe John sent me a really great article outlining the scientific reality of this "Baby Brain"condition which I had planned to laminate and wear around my neck (I felt so vindicated! I highlighted the bit about spatial reasoning deficits and the shrinking of the hippocampus...or was it the hypothalamus?) but I put it somewhere safe, and promptly forgot I'd ever read it; until my feet disappeared of course.
So with no other news to report, I will sign "us" off and waddle back to the kitchen for another day of maniacal, irrational cooking.
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletelove, MOM
As a late arrival myself all I can say is a little reminder of impending eviction may be necessary at some point. We first born bundles of lovin' like being where we're at, and sometimes we forget to move onto the next place we're supposed to be.
ReplyDeleteBesides that all I can say it that I wish I was there to provide moral support in the form of helping you find your feet and being a happy destination for the bouts of your irrational cooking (I'll bet it's sooooooooo gooood). what cha makin' anyways??
love Pellie
Apparently "all I can say" isn't actually all I can say.
ReplyDeleteHurry up already! Anxiously awaiting the arrival of Biscuit and Gravy.
ReplyDeleteHilarious!!!
ReplyDeleteYou, my dear, can make a small booklet for other mom's-in-waiting. Their laughter might prompt some births!!! Now, would reading your own writing do the smae for you??? Big Hugs,,,Pat
ReplyDeleteOops typo and I only have a gray hair excuse,,so would reading your own writing do the SAME for you??? ;-)
ReplyDelete